Sorry, Hubspot. Social media is NOTHING like sex.

Social Media Is Nothing Like Sex

I just stumbled upon an old blog post from the fine ladies and gentlemen at Hubspot, trying to convince me that Social Media Is A Lot Like Sex.

It's not. And here's 10 reasons why...

  • Social media is all about doing it in public.

  • 57% of marketers have acquired customers via blogging. Fewer than 52% of them have acquired customers via sex. Possibly significantly fewer.

  • It's okay to charge for social media.

  • And it's fine to tweet your siblings.

  • Almost eight new people come onto the internet every second. (This one doesn't really work, but it made us snigger.)

  • Social media spreads the word. Sex just spreads cooties.

  • The average UK user spends over 26 minutes on Facebook every day. If there's an equivalent stat for sex then no wonder our economy's in a mess.

  • The average Twitter user has 27 followers, but most of the ones who follow @KimKardashian have zero sexual partners.

  • 42% of employers say no to any use of social media in the workplace. Yeah, even at the office Christmas party. Prudes.

  • My wife enjoys social media.


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80% of January Sales are over by January!

80% Of January Sales Are Over By January!

Five social strategies for maximising your January Sale

With January sales starting earlier and earlier, most have run out of steam by the time January even begins.

‘New Products Added!’ claims don’t work and the high street is already awash with ‘70% off messages’, so how are you going to ensure your campaign gets long-lasting cut through?

Here are our tips for using Social-Ccommerce to launch and maximise the potential of your January Sale:

1. Get your social audience involved early. As we approach the tail end of December use Facebook, Twitter and Pinterest to ask your audience what they want to see in your sales. Make them feel like they’re curating the campaign.

2. Sometimes less is more. It’s tempting to launch all your offers on day one, but hold some back. Treat them as mini-marketing hand grenades and launch them regularly throughout the duration of the campaign.

3. Make some of your offers exclusive to your social audience. Low-volume, so it feels exclusive, and high-discount will create buzz and excitement. Launch them mid-way through the January Sales and you’ll get people talking about your campaign again.

4. Get shoppers in the first 2-weeks of


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How to offer discounts without trashing your brand

How to use discounts without trashing your brand

"The only statistics you can trust are those you falsified yourself," said William Churchill and, given that he reputedly drank 42,000 bottles of Pol Roget champagne in his lifetime, you'd hope there's some truth in that. Here's a little nugget of purest nonsense we stumbled upon recently, based on research carried out by The Logic Group and Ipsos MORI.

According to their survey of over 2,000 customers, people are more likely to be motivated to shop by earning loyalty points (27%) than they are by discounts (11%) or offers (9%).

We smell a rat. A fishy rat. We're not saying that the survey isn't 100% accurate, but there's no way those 2,000 people answered that question that way, so maybe something's been lost in translation (from English to... um...). Loyalty schemes are great, but no one's going to accrue rewards tomorrow instead of reaping benefits today. It's just not going to happen.

But here's where we do agree with The Logic Group (quoted here): “Brand Britain has become eroded as a result of rampant discounting across the board. By ‘flogging’ merchandise through widespread discounting, the prestige of many British brands is being compromised.” That's absolutely true because,


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Are you actually doing social commerce? Five simple tests.

Five ways to tell your social commerce campaign isn't actually social commerce 

Hey, look! It's a Friday! That must mean yet another company unveiling its great new social commerce campaign which ISN'T ACTUALLY SOCIAL COMMERCE.

NB: this also happens on other weekdays plus, occasionally, if the agency who've been commissioned to come up with this stuff are charging enough, Saturdays and Sundays.

It seems that social commerce is the buzziest of buzzing buzz trends right now, but very few people are doing it right. So, here's our top five ways to tell that your social commerce campaign isn't actually social commerce.

1. There's no actual in-situ commerce

Linking to your bog-standard e-commerce site from a YouTube video isn't social commerce. It's social marketing. Stop trying to pretend it's anything new.

2. User reviews, if-you-like-this-then-you'll-like-this widgets, Facebook commenting on product pages, Pinterest boards, etc...

These are all social things in and around the world of commerce. And that's wonderful. But it's not social commerce. It's still just social.

3. You're selling stuff just like usual but... wait for it... you've set up a store in Facebook!

That's F-Commerce and everyone realised ages ago that it's a stinker. Step away...

4. Every purchase is a solo activity

That's like calling a ready-meal-for-one a dinner


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'Customer' reviews are often fake. Social advocacy NEVER is.

Online reviews mean nothing. Social advocacy is everything.

Never move house. Just don't do it. You pay a fortune to own the same old stuff in a different place. And then, to cap it off, your better half decides that you need a new washing machine when everyone knows it's perfectly adequate just to take your smalls down to a riverbank and whack them with a stick.

Yeah, I'm feeling the pinch.

Anyway... buying a washing machine. With a million online shops and a trillion online 'customer' reviews, you'd have thought picking a brand, model and retailer would be a doddle. Well, guess what? It ain't. And that's mainly because you just can't trust what you read in online reviews anymore - why else would one retailer have 59 negative reviews on ciao.co.uk with barely any positives, but almost exactly the opposite on Google seller reviews?

The problem is: online reviews are so scammed by businesses hyping themselves and slating their rivals that it's next to impossible to figure out what's a genuine, balanced perspective from a real consumer and what's 'seed content' or 'tactical interference'.

Everyone really is a critic... including the shops themselves.

Luckily, the one thing you just can't fix is social advocacy


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